The Human Years- Part 3

I would be lying if I tried to tell you I didn’t fall apart after Jasper’s death and Morty’s betrayal.

I spent the next week or so sleeping. 
I only got out of bed for juice and to use the washroom. 
I was completely drained mind body and soul.  I had nothing but my cat Albert and he was just as content staying in bed as I was.  My pillows wiped away my
tears when I was awake, and when I slept Jasper came back to me.

---

I considered starting my life again, but whenever I sat up and looked across my room I saw Jasper’s urn.  Something no mother should ever see. I could not bear to leave him behind in the Sunset Valley Cemetery alone. So I brought him with me, until I can join him and we can be buried together. It only made sense.  But having him there, made it near impossible to get up. A consistent reminder of what I had loss.

---

After my week in bed I realized that I could not afford my apartment by sleeping.  The need to keep a roof over Albert, Jasper, and my head was the only thing that got me moving.  But I was not well.  I could not walk past Jasper without stopping to shed the few tears I had left.  That week I managed to shower and eat,
but little else.

---

One day while getting out of the shower I finally looked at myself in the mirror.  If I couldn’t still feel the physical ache of my son’s death I would have thought I was dead myself, or close to it.  I could not believe how weak I had gotten and what a mess I had become.  I would never want Jasper to see me like this, so weak and broken.  I am not sure what it was but something in my brain snapped.

I decided the one thing I needed was a makeover. 
The sweet funky girl from Sunset Valley was not here anymore.  I needed to become Lux from Bridgeport, someone who needed no one. Staring at myself in the mirror I was only partially satisfied.  It was one thing to dress the part, but part of me knew it was a lie. I was never going to be whole, not without my son.  
I decided that I needed to get out of the house.  I was not sure where I was going but I needed to go. 

 I got down to the street and hailed a cab. When the cabby asked where I wanted to go I told him to take me to the  closest pub.  I was not surprised to find out that there was a sports bar only a few blocks away.

---

When I got in the bar I walked straight up to the bartender and ordered a drink.  I had never been a big drinker, but it seemed like a good idea.

---

I cannot tell you how long I was there or how many drinks I
had.

---

All I remember is rambling to an uninterested bar tender about Morty.

---

And when I got up to leave I stumbled all the way to the
street.
 




It was also the first night I saw  Jasper.

---

I stumbled into my kitchen and was dragging my feet to my room when his blue figure appeared before me. 
I became giddy and excited that my son was back and thought his death was just a dream.

---

Without thinking I pulled him in for a hug. 
I could feel him there, not like a solid person but I still knew he was there with me. I felt his arms wrap around me but instead of warm he was cold and damp.

---

I pulled back and freaked out for a moment, I was pretty sure I had gone off my rocker.
“You can’t be real.” I whispered at him.
“Well that depends Mom.” Jasper shrugged.
“How?” First I was seeing him, now talking to him.  I knew I needed to be locked away, soon.
“Well, I am a specter of sorts, a ghost.  Thanks to some unfinished business I was able to return to you.”  He seemed so causal about it all.  But I was too interested to let it go.
“What sort of unfinished business you were only a kid.” 

---

Jasper turned and started to float into the bedroom.
“I was murdered.  But I am tired, will you read me a bedtime story?”
I froze. Murdered. 
I had never considered it.  I let the idea roll around my sloshy mind for a moment, but when Jasper left my eye sight I snapped back.  Real or not. Dream or crazy vision.  I
did not care, I needed to stay with my son as long as I could.

---

I sat at the edge of the bed and adjusted the covers over Jasper’s cold figure.  The covers lifted where his body should be, so either he was real or my imagination was really good.  I sat and read him his favorite book when he was alive. 
It was one of the things I could not leave Sunset Valley
without.

---

When he drifted off to sleep I leaned down and kissed his
forehead.  He was so real but so cold.

---

I stood up and looked down at his sleeping figure. 
I put my hands to my temples and squeezed. 
The hang over was starting to kick in and yet there my son laid.  I had watched him drowned in the public
pool not long ago.  I wanted to
shake him and see if he woke again, see if he was really there, but he was so
peaceful. 

---

I decided instead to sleep on the couch for the night.

---

I was only asleep for a few hours when a long cry came from the bedroom.  I knew it was Albert but for the life of me I could not think of what was wrong.  
Then I remembered Jasper, was he real? 

---

I stood up and rubbed my eyes, they were dry and raw like so many mornings before.  I must have cried in my sleep. 
Another cry came from the bedroom.  I quickly walked across the small apartment.
But there was nothing but Albert staring at me from the bed.  He looked scared but seemed to relax when I sat next to him.  I decided we could get some more sleep before the day
started.

---

The bed was empty but for some reason under the covers were damp and ice cold.  I figured I was just sensitive from my hang over and drifted back to sleep with Albert next to me.  I hoped my dreams would be filled with a happier Jasper than earlier that night. That’s all it was, a dream, it had to be.

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