While Eve was sulking and pretending that she was not depressed that Pip ran out on her, I was working.

 Really?  Your calling it work now?

 Well, honestly it is not easy to have 100 kids by different dads!

Hmm, I still think it makes is sound harsh.

 What would you call it?

 I will have to get back to you on that.

 Right.  So I figured out a way to use a family feud to my benefit. Tennessee and I decided to visit the VanGould’s home.

When I noticed through the window that Tristan was home I decided  to hide Tennessee in the bushes. 

Great mothering.

 She was fine, she had that ugly little doll to play with.  Besides even though she is
human and not a werewolf I think she likes to sniff around.  Too much time with Brandon.

 Please stop bringing up Brandon that was so sad!

 And thankfully your over it.

Yeah…sure.

So fast forwarding ahead, Tristan was a very welcoming host.  While he was willing and
ready the first time we met, I had much bigger plans for him than just a DNA donator.

 So you invited him to a family party.

 Well duh, he was going to become a family member.

 Not for long.

Stop giving away the story!

ittle did I know that while I was being welcomed into the home of the VanGould’s with open arms Brook was becoming buddy buddy with the Wolffs.  
 
Which you later used to your advantage.

 Brook understands mommy’s mission so it’s okay.  She will always be number one.

 You should put that on a plaque.

 Ignoring you now.

A few days past and I played hard to get with
Tristan.  He even started to come
over and make me dinner.

Because he wanted you to be his dinner.

Strangely in our short yet passionate love affair he never bit me.

 First, gross.  Short yet passionate love affair really? 

Haha, I thought you might like that.


 Second, I am glad because you with fangs would be terrible.

 Remember that kid?

 Yeah.

 Well, if you stop interrupting me they might know what I am talking about.

 Sorry.

Tristan even was willing to come to the girls birthday party and cheer with all of us.

Yeah, because that wasn’t weird.

 Well it wouldn’t have been if it wasn’t for Param.

Param found it was appropriate to give me flowers while Brook was aging up into a teen and then continue to flirt with me while other got cake.

I am telling you….

Shush. This triggered Tristan the apparently very jealous vampire to later declare his affections and make me his girlfriend.

All according to plan.

 You know it.

So after the men in my life showed me their affections, we celebrated Tennessee’s birthday.

Ya know Param took you having a boyfriend well.

I think it’s because I let him live.

I am glad you did.

I am still unsure about it.

Tennessee aged up into a child, and finally she has hair.

Yep, yours.  Just like her sister.

Well ya know.  She should be happy about that.

That and the fact that neither of them got your
personality.

True, what was up with that? Brook was neurotic, good, and artistic.  
 
Yeah and don’t forget ambitious.

Hey, I was pretty ambitious with the 100 baby thing.  
 
Only because you had to be. Tennessee was already showing signs of being eccentric.

And she was such a heavy sleeper, it was near impossible to wake her up.

True.

Back to the story. Tristan and I found a little alone time while everyone was eating cake.  No one seemed to notice except Eve. 
She caught me sneaking through the girls room so that Tristan and I came out from different doors.
 “So what’s the plan?” Eve stopped me.
 “Well, once I am pregnant I will tell him.” I
shrugged.
“Okay…” Eve nudged.
“Then being the old fashion guy he is he will ask me to marry him.”
“Oh and then when you marry we will all move into their house?  Because this one is getting a little small.” Eve tossed her hands out.
“Of course.  Then….” I told her my plan. 
However I am not going to tell you that just yet since that would take the fun out of showing you later.

You tease.

Well ya know.

After everyone went home I laid down the rules of being a teen in my house.
“You are going to clean the house; there is no getting out of chores.” I looked at her seriously.
“Fine but I don’t do sinks.” Brook sassed back and rolled her eyes.

Ahh the mistakes of a new mother.

I got better as the number got higher.

Ya, sure you raised 99 very well and should of gotten an award for 100. 

You should work on that.

Eve and Pip continued their affair.  Every week he reassured her, he was going to tell his wife, yet he didn’t.  Then one evening while I was ignoring Brooke’s silly dress up game Eve called.

“He left her!” She squealed in excitement.
“Umm okay.” I said passively, “Couldn’t this have waited till you got home?”
“No, that’s just it.  We are going to move in together!”
I could hear the flips she was doing in the air.
“So your leaving me?” I said, sounding more worried than I would have liked her to know.


I knew you liked me.

Shut up.
“No, well yes.  You will be fine.  You only have like 98 more to go.” She giggled. 
I heard Pip call to her in the back ground.
“You’re invited to the wedding, more dets to come!” And with that she hung up on me.
I sighed and went to check on Tennessee, she seemed to quiet to be a werewolf baby. 

After checking to make sure Tennessee was alive I bowed to Princess Brooke.  Thanks to Eve, Brooke swore up and down she was royalty and I was an evil stepmother who kidnapped her.

She wanted to know about her dad.

And that’s the story you went with?

At least she is a princess.

Once I got out of the royal court I went to my studies.  I was getting old fast and without Eve bringing men to me I needed a faster way to stay young.  Rumor was there was an elixir and I was going to find it.
For a while this was my life, check on kids then look for aging cure.  I had barely noticed that Eve was gone.  Until the morning of Tennessee’s first birthday.
I found a sparkly jar on my dresser with a note.

The note read sprinkle over head.  Still depressed about my lack of getting younger I did what the jar said.

After a puff of pink light I felt tons better, nothing was going to put me in a bad mood.  Even seeing Param who I had, from the kindness in my heart, invited to come to his daughter’s birthday.

When it came time for the party Brooke ran outside to welcome Param, who she thought would save her from me.  To her and my surprise Eve was with him.
Eve just smiled as Brooke walked her and Param in so we could celebrate.

Tennessee like all babies was unable to blow out her own candles so I did it for her.

Sparkle

Sparkle

Sparkles later…

Tennessee was bald.

She has a werewolf daddy and you as a mom, she ended up bald I will never understand.

Anyway, genetics are weird.
Param gave Tennessee an ugly blue doll for her birthday.  When I saw it I planned to sell it since it looked old, hoping it was worth some money but Tennessee would not put it down. 

You wanted her to be happy and have something from the Param.

She cried less.

Param avoided me most of the evening, and played with Tennessee and Brooke.  Eve on the other hand had some breaking news.
“I am moving back in!” She giggled shallowly.
“You don’t see happy.  What happened?” I said watching Param watch me.
“Well, remember how I said Pip left his wife?”
I nodded.
“Turns out he lied.  She found use in the fairy house and they decided to move to save their marriage.”
“I hate to say I told you so.” I smirked slightly.
“Then don’t.” Eve shrugged.
“He did what?” Param turned to face us full on.
“You heard everything wolf, don’t play that.” I turned to Eve. “You’re welcome back, I need to find a new daddy.” I whispered slightly.
“I heard that.” Param growled, “Want me to chase him down Eve?” He asked sympathetically.
“No, it’s okay.” She nodded and went into my bedroom.
Param and I looked at each other for a moment.
“I should go.” He nodded pointing at the door.
“Okay.” I smiled slightly.

My glow lasted for a few days, and I used its power of attention to teach Tennessee to talk while Brooke was in school.
One night before taking Tennessee out to find a new daddy I felt it hit me.

I watched the sparkles dance around me, and even Eve came out and laughed at me.
“Serves you right!” she giggled.

I was only kidding.

Sure.

“Well shoot, Tennessee looks like you’re going out with a Cougar tonight.” I sassed trying to make light of my aging up.
“Your cutting it close, you better go find a victim.”  Eve said a bit more seriously.
“Thanks for the advice.” I rolled my eyes and grabbed daughter number two.

At the bar I played with Tennessee for a moment then placed her on the floor with her doll.

A handsome werewolf named Mr. Wolff who refused to tell me his first name incase his wife thought it was something other than a friendly conversation.
Other than Mr. Wolff the bar was a bust so little Tennessee and I went home.
The next day, Eve had an inspired idea.

I did?

You did.
“Maybe you should go to his house as a new neighbor?  Meet the wife first.” She said between bites of cereal.
“I like it! I will take Tennessee, what family woman would not bond over that?” I smiled back at her and just like that the plan was hatched.

Oh yeah that.

Great idea Eve!

Not my best, but you took it and ran.

Worked out for me.

What about the Wolffs?

I didn’t leave them hanging.

I spent the day teaching Tennessee how to walk, and then right after sending Brook to do her homework I headed to the Wolff’s home.

Mrs. Wolff was not home yet but since she would be home soon her teenage son let me in.  I followed him to the kitchen where he was preparing a snack.
“I am sorry, I get hungry this time of the day.” He laughed nervously as he pulled six hotdogs from the fridge.
“Would you like one?” He asked turning to face me.
“No I am good.  Thank you.” I smiled.  He blushed which is when I realized what his potential was.
“You have a lovely home here.” I smiled a little wider.

“Oh, it’s not mine.” He started to turn back to his food.

“When do you graduate high school?  It must be soon, I mean you already look like a full grown wolf.” I smiled suggestively stepping in towards him as he turned.
“Oh I am full groan,” He turned only inches from me, “soon, very soon.” He puffed up his chest but his reddening cheeks gave away his nerves.
“Hi honey, did you do your…oh who’s this?” Mrs. Wolff asked stopped at the kitchen door.
“This is Mrs. Mantis, a new neighbor.” He looked over my shoulder to his mom. 
“It’s Miss” I corrected him with a smile, before turning to greet his mother I mouthed “call me” and winked.
“How nice it is to finally meet the lady of this wonderful home.” I turned arm extended to shake her hand, “You have a gentleman for a son her, I can only hope my little Tennessee here grows up so well.”
Her look of confusion and worry dropped from her face as she shook my hand.
“She is so cute!  It’s so nice to meet you Miss Mantis.  Would you two like to join us for dinner?” She smiled brightly.
“Oh, really?  We would be delighted.  Wouldn’t we?” I turned and kissed Tennessee on the forehead.

Just cruel.

There is nothing in the rules against using fathers and their sons. 

They should revisit those rules.

Remember that dog man?

Param?

Yeah, him.

Of course I do, I just told them about him.

Well I am going to start with him, your big mistake.

He was not a mistake, I am still confused as to how that all happened.

Well, maybe they will figure it out for you.
While Loki’s man eating plants are dangerous to boot, werewolves can be rather resourceful.

Param assuming something was wrong with his beloved Loki did not blame her for locking him in with the huge hungry plants.  Instead he played with them until they were happy.  Then he survived by eating Jellybeans.  Somehow, unlike Juan, nothing bad happen to him.  He did get some minty dog breath though.
Loki gave in and let the smelly dog back into the house in hopes that he would get eaten by a zombie on the way in.  Instead after a quick shower he pulled her lovingly into his arms and thanked her for freeing him.


Dumb dog.

Loving, caring and trusting man-dog.

Loki allowed him to hang around till his baby was born. 

You never know, it was my first baby from a were.  It might have been a puppy.

In the meantime, Brooke aged up to a child.

She was, however, too young still to understand what it meant when mom started to “leak.”
“Mom! Your peeing on the floor.  Stop it!” Brooke screamed, “You will get it on the couch and then it will mold and then…”

We get it she is a little worrier.

“Stop it Brooke.” Loki panted between contractions, “my water broke, the baby is coming.”
Everyone, including the wonderful Aunty Fairy Godmother, raced off to the hospital to see the birth of baby Tennessee.
A day or so after Param’s little baby girl was brought into the world, his baby momma was sick of him.

“Why couldn’t you just get eaten!” Loki yelled crumpling up a newspaper in her hand.
“I…I don’t understand.” Param stumbled.  Which was strange considering with the rest of the world he was a tough man, ready to take on anyone.  With Loki though he crumbled.

He was weak.

Or your just one really scary momma!

That too.

Angered even more by his whining Loki snapped him over the nose with the newspaper.

Act like a dog, treated like a dog.

Param turned defeated but that wasn’t Loki’s final blow.
“I want a divorce.  It’s for the best.” She sighed.
“Okay.” Was all Param muttered as he went in the bedroom and packed. 

He was falling for me.

Or were you falling for him?

Never.

He outsmarted your man eating plant.


True.

You liked him.

Shut it!

Someone’s snappy.  Either way you let him live, that proves something.

That I am not heartless?

No.

Then what?

That the beast can be soothed.

Shortly after the divorce Loki realized something while paying bills.

What?

She needed money, and a new baby daddy.

That’s the truth!

This was the night I made the mistake of inviting Pip over.
Loki was on the hunt for a man and I walked one right into her den. 

Not a bad looking fairy, I will give him that.  But I’ve seen better.

After a quick introduction I saw the look in Loki’s eyes.  So I pulled her aside and used my veto. 

Your one and only.



Yes my one save the man card, I used it early I am aware and in retrospect should of let you have him.  However, I did it and that’s that.

Darn straight.

Later that night I flew Pip home.  He asked me what I had talked to Loki about and I told him about how I was protecting him from her.
He said he was leaving his wife.  I was the fairy for him.  We spent the night in one of the fairy houses in his families backyard.

I decided to move our misfit group to Moonlight Falls.  According to everything I read it was a welcoming community that had a lot of mystery behind it.  Stories of people going missing popped up all the time in this little town, it was almost too perfect.

I was able to get a real garden there, somewhere that Fergus could see the sun.  I also got him two friends, Jack and Jose.  I thought the only access I would have to these beautiful creatures was through magic, but there was a local store that sold them in Moonlight Falls.
While I was out back I heard a voice in my front yard.

I went to check it out and was rather surprised to find an attractive man just waiting for me on my porch.
“Hi, I am Loki.” I smiled stretching my hand out, “How can I help you?”
“Oh hello,” He turned and smiled, his eyes almost glowed. “I am Param Singh, I live a block or so down that way and wanted to come say hi to our new neighbors.”
“Our? Is there a Mrs. Singh?” I crossed my fingers that the answer would be no.
“Yes, we met in med school and married after.”
“She is a lucky woman.” I placed my hand gently on his arm, he didn’t step away, “would you like to come in for a few minutes?”

Param stayed for dinner and met Brooke.  I told him of the tragic death of her father, he promised to be there if we ever needed anything.

What did you expect, he’s a…..

Shhhh! I have not gotten there yet.

Fine.

The sun started to set and he got up to leave in a hurry, but not before hugging Brooke and myself goodbye.  I knew I would be calling him.

The next night was a full moon, I knew because Eve always got weird around full moons.

They electrify me, I just want to fly through the sky and be one with the stars!

Then go do it already.

Your lucky I naturally live so long or you would have no friends.

I will always have Fergus, Jack, and Jose.

Good one.

Anyway, I heard Brandon barking and it seemed like something was growling back.  I went outside to shoo the other dog so they didn’t wake Brooke but instead found a very furry Param.
“I am so sorry, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay here, with it being a Full Moon and all.” He said bashfully hiding while attempting to hide his face.
“Don’t hide, Param.  I think you look amazing.” I smiled.  I would have to find out more about this condition he had.
“Really?” He straighten his spine and met me eye to eye.
“How did you change like this? Its wonderful.” I stepped in a little closer and touched his furry cheek.

“My wife turned me into a werewolf the night of our wedding.” He shrugged slightly.
“Well I think you make a very handsome werewolf.  Thank you for coming to watch over me.”
“Well, I wanted to make sure you were, meaning you and Brooke of course, were safe.” He stepped back nervously.
“Would you like to come in?”

He did and we sat to eat some salad, apparently being a wolf makes you very hungry.
Param came over every night that week to check on us.  Full moon or not, but always in wolf form.

One night he asked to play fetch.  I didn’t question it and just agreed. 

That was funny to watch.

The things I did to have a baby.

Having Param around was like having another dog in the house.

Brandon was cuter when he shed.

I didn’t have to take Param for walks.

Too soon it was Brooke’s birthday.  The older she got, the older I knew I was getting.  Eve made the celebration a bit more tolerable for me by turning on her soothing aura.

You welcome.

It made it easier on you too so don't act so noble.

Only because I didn't have to deal with your whining.

Poor girl, she could have had your nose.

But she got daddies.  I can’t help but shudder at the memory.  At this stage she was already showing signs of being neurotic, washing her hands all the time and throwing her food when it wasn’t the perfect temperature.

But she was also clearly a good girl, she always said sorry.

Yeah, way to encourage her being good.

One day Param came over with flowers and invited Brooke and I to the fairy park.  I had heard a lot about it from Eve and I was very interested to go myself so I agreed.

When we got there we ran into Eve leaving the Fae Ray Arboretum.

I was meeting a friend.

Yep, he was just a friend sure….

I put Brooke down on the ground and asked Eve kindly,

Like that’s possible.

Excuse me, telling a story here.
I asked her kindly to allow watch her while Param and I stepped away for a moment.

He asked me to go for a walk through the Arboretum, which was boring until he slipped the information that he had left his wife causally into the conversation.  A few minutes later we found a little hidden room to have some fun in.

After I fixed my hair and we got outside Param asked me to be his wife. 
“Are you sure?” I faked empathy for his situation.
“Never been more sure in my life.” He smiled.

Yeah, then you two rushed off to City hall forcing me to leave my afternoon and follow you with Brooke.

It all worked out in the end.

Kind of.

When we got home I checked on Fergus, Jack, and Jose.  They were all hungry and looking for a large snack.

When I wasn’t spending time with Param, I was teaching Brooke things.  Like how to walk.  Her Fairy Aunt was nowhere to be found most of the time but I guess that was good seeing as my new husband had no clue she lived with us.

It was only a week or so later that I discovered I was pregnant.  The only way my body knows how.

I put on the only thing I could find and introduced Param to Fergus and gang.  His wolf instincts kept him as close to the fence as possible.

“I pregnant!” I announced trying to distract him from escaping.
“That’s wonderful,” he smiled, “can we talk about it inside.  I kind of need to use the washroom.”
“You’re a wolf, you will be fine outside.  Besides I need you to feed my pets.” I smiled sweetly kissed his cheek and snuck out the gate.  Locking it tightly behind me.

I went inside and started to teach Brooke how to talk.  She caught on rather quickly, thankfully, but potty training was a different issue entirely.

With a soon dead dog in my Fergus’s belly, me being pregnant, and needing to care for Brooke it was terribly obvious that Eve was missing.  She took it upon herself to spend less and less time at home and more with her secret fairy lover, Pip.

He was a sweetie, a truly good man.

He was married.

So was Param!

I didn’t waste anything on Param.

We live and learn.

Your just lucky I am nicer than you say I am.

“So I have been thinking,” She started nervously, “maybe we need some sort of protection from these Zombies.  I mean we are going to be raising babies in this shack.” Tears welled in her eyes.
 
Pregnancy makes me emotional, it’s not my fault.
 
It’s nice to see an emotion other than hungry and angry, although
pregnant you do those a lot too.
 
Just finish your part so I can get to mine.
 
Okay, don be so pushy.
“Well what do you think about getting a dog or something.  I think Zombies are afraid of dogs.” I smiled reassuringly.
“I think you just want a dog.” She whined.
“Just handle it, I got to go learn about rearing children.”Loki said after a glance outside.
“Ewww you’re going to what?” I cringed slightly.
 “Raise them you half-wit.” She was back to angry.

“Woof” Loki barked as she swung the door open, the zombie moaned in response.
“Afraid of dogs my rear.” She said loudly under her breath.
 
I wanted to make sure you heard me, I was testing your theory.

Zombies don’t attack pregnant women.  You guys are mean.

Yep and I am 100 times mean.

We know.  Back to the story.
While Loki learned to rear children at the library and do who knows what else, I took it upon myself to adopt a protector.

“Aren’t you cute puppy puppy smushy face!” 
Meet Brandon.

“You’re kidding right?” Loki yelled from outside when she got home.
I stuck my head out the window, “Meet smushy face.” 
“We are not naming it that.” She growled.
 
Even the dog gave me a look that said rename me.
 
Sure, it was a perfectly good name.
“Fine, what do you want to name it?” I asked when she finally got in the house.
“Brandon.” She said eyeing the dog.
 “Whatever.” I waved my hand and rolled my eyes.
“And its sleeping outside!” Was the last thing Loki said about it as she walked into her bedroom for a preggo nap.

A few days later, and no zombies fewer, Loki invested in a Pea-shooter.
 
It worked.
 
I guess, but it’s not as cute as Brandon Smushy Face.  
 
Gag! 

It worked as clean up, but they kept coming back.

“Have you ever thought maybe it’s because we live in a swamp?” Loki cornered me out back while I was playing trip the zombie.
“I mean, no, but you could be right.” I shrugged.  I was getting use to them.
“I am not raising 100 kids to adulthood in a swamp where they can be turned to zombies by playing outside.  How would I ever get any peace?” She groaned at the end, angry enough that it scared my zombie friend.
“Okay, let’s move.” I nodded.
“Perfect.  Already found us a place.” She smiled.
“Glad I was part of the decision.” I frowned slightly.
“You picked out this place, I was NOT letting that happen again!” She seemed really mad at first but then as Loki buckled over grabbing her large stomach I realized she was going into labor.

A quick ride and many screaming hours later little baby Brooke was born.  She has her daddies tomato complexion. 
 
 We hoped that was all for her sake.

Brooke was only a few days old when Loki up and moved her from the town she was so fondly named after.
 
Yeah, the only memory I need of that crud shack.
 
Tisk tisk, she is your daughter.  
 
I was referring to the town, she was a sweetie.  But sticky, all kids are sticky.
 
Mom of the year here.
 
Yearsssss, many of them and they were long.
 
“So you ladies not enjoying Twinbrook?” The cabby asked when we told him the airport.
“It smells.” Loki snapped, Brandon barked at her tone.
“I see you were able to get knocked up.” The cabby laughed to himself and then paused a moment.
“You know that baby looks like a friend of mine, Juan.  You know him?”  He asked taking his eyes off the road and looking at both of us.
“Um, we went out a few times.” Loki stumbled slightly but maintained eye contact in the mirror with him.  I started to cover Brooke’s face slightly.
“Well, if you hear from him will you call the Twinbrook police?  They have a missing persons case on him right now.” He pleaded slightly.
“Sure.” I smirked sympathetically.
“I don’t think I will hear from him.” Loki smiled, then noticing the cabby’s questioning look continued, “we ended on bad
terms.”
The rest of the ride was silent.  Loki was right we needed to leave Twinbrook. 

Yes I was.  And remember he was your choice.
 
And your death.

Jelly beans my dear, that’s you.  Fergus did nothing.

My turn!
Once upon a time an annoying Fairy made me have 100 babies!

Pitch forks….

Okay, challenged me to have 100 babies to save my…well let’s say karma.

Yeah, okay.

First thing was first, we needed a home.  So in the super cool town of Twinbrook,  we bought this shack.

It looked nice in the realtors office.

“Yep this is your fault.”  I pointed out first thing, “and I thought the medieval times smelled bad.”

And with that comment Eve, the fairy in question, flew off beckoning me to follow her.

Annoyed I caught up with her just as a taxi pulled up.  We sat in the back seat, trying to ignore the strange looks the driver was giving us.
“Where are we going now?” I said hushed.
“You’re never going to get knocked up in that.” Eve laughed loudly.  My cheeks blushed for a moment before what she said sunk in.
“Wait what?” I looked at her panicked.
“I will explain at the salon.” She smirked.

“So what’s this about getting knocked up?” I asked for what seemed like the hundredth time since we got in the taxi.

Little did she know that was the magic number.

“Can I cut your hair?” Eve asked eyeballing me.
“My hair?  I like my hair.”  Distracted from the baby talk.

A little fairy dust and a spin later Eve had messed me up bad.
“Oh yes,” she smiled as I started to tear up at my reflection, “This look says mom of 100 crying babies!”  She giggled wildly.
“I look horrible, I am redoing this.” I grumbled looking for the bathroom to wash my face.
“Okay well, you need to have a look that will attract all types of men.  You need to have 100 babies, that is your new fate.” She said passively as though I insulted her.

Well you kind of did, I worked hard smearing that make-up.

Yeah, sure, you were just playing a trick.

“I will die first, literally.” I paused in shock of my new fate.
“Oh, right, little detail.  Once you become an adult you can allow your pet to eat the dads.” She smiled brightly.
“That’s a lot of death.” A slight smirk appeared on my face, maybe I could meet the Grim Reaper!
“Yes, well, I get one and only one veto to your killing and baby making.  I have to save at least one to stay a neutral fairy.” She said causally looking at her nails, “and if you should happen to find a different way to stay young by all means, use it.” She smiled up at my smeared face.
“That doesn’t sound too bad.” I said stepping up to give myself a makeover.
“Oh it will be easy.” She smiled her fairy smile and left me to my work.

“Oh yeah, I look good.” I laughed when I was done, got to love modern style.

“Heeyy, all those soon to be dead daddies better watch out.” She replied to me in the mirror across the room.

“Let’s go find me a man.” I smiled turning to leave.
“Found him.” Eve called to me.  I turned to see who she was eyeing.

He totally reminded me of a tomato, and you know I love to garden.

Yep, Juan Darer.  What a winner.  Thanks Eve.

No problem buddy.

“He is first.” Eve whispered to me.
“No.” I shook my head.
“Yes, trust me no one will know he is missing!” She whispered harshly.
I eyed Juan, maybe he wasn’t so bad.

So I approached him, “Hi, I am Loki.  Want to grab dinner some time?” I smiled sweetly.
“Umm, yeah sure tonight at 8?” He looked at the floor, “the bistro?”
I just nodded, winked and walked away.

I turned to see Eve fairying around.  I called her over.

He was not happy.

No one was.

I was.

Whatever.

“So you preggers yet?” She smiled walking up to me.
“Eve, do we need to talk about the birds and bees?” I asked gently.

That never happened.

It did in my version.

Your ridiculous.

Duh.

Just jump to dinner.

Fine. 

“So do you want kids?” I asked between bites.
“Yes.” Juan smiled into his soup.
“Do you want to maybe come back to my place?” I jumped to the good stuff.
“Let’s see how dinner goes shall we.” He smiled.

Needless to say, I came home alone.  Juan was apparently old fashion, little did he know what time I was from.  Talk about glorified, but it allowed him to live one more day so maybe it was a good thing.  When I got home I found Eve in the basement playing with Fergus, yes I named the man eating plant.

“Did the nice fairy feed you Fergus?” I pet the big lug and turned leading Eve upstairs.
“We need him hungry Eve.” I sighed closing the door to the basement and locking it.
Eve cheated, like normal, and put out a soothing aura damping my mad.

Not cheating, helping.

Cheating.

“I was just soo bored.” She moaned hands on her hips.
“So find something else to do, this is a huge town and a new world.” I tossed my hands up.
“Fine” she huffed and poofed into a little ball of light.

She flew to her little castle in our home to be grumpy pants.

I had a big screen TV.

Must have been pretty tiny, ha-ha.

Juan and I courted for about a week, till I asked him to marry me.  Court house style.

He didn’t like the idea at first, so I gave him a taste of our married life.  We went to the court house shortly afterwards.  A quick paper signature later, Juan and I were hubby and wife.  And let’s just say we made it official very quickly.

I came outside to find Eve giggling.

Come on, it was funny.

Okay a little bit.  We whispered about my victory and laughed, a lot.  Thankfully with Eve’s fairy senses, she could knew I was going to be pregnant with in a few days of my marriage.  Which was great because Juan and I did not get along at all, but he didn’t know that.

That evening I took him downstairs, to meet my pet. 
“He is huge!” Juan gawked.
“This is Fergus,” I pet his nose, “Fergus, you know what to do.” I smiled and stepped away.

Juan looked at me confused.
“Just wait, he has a trick for you.” I smiled and kissed Juan on the cheek.  When I got upstairs I locked the door.

“Did you put a shower in down there like I asked?” I asked Eve when I got upstairs, “You know Fergus hates smelly food, he will just cough him back up.”
“I did.” She nodded, “and a few other things.” Eve added with a smirk.
That’s when we smelled smoke.

Juan, instead of eating cake, wanted candy.  He decided to eat from Eve’s trick Jelly Bean Bush.

And because of that, died in a fiery death.

He should have eaten the cake.

I could not agree more.

Anyway, a few nights later, Eve’s powers were confirmed as I lost my dinner to the toilet.

I walked out to see Eve smiling at the newspaper.
“That sounded fun.” Her smile widened slightly.
“I have to do this 99 more times?” I moaned grabbing my stomach.
“Give or take a few depending on multiples of course.  But in a sense yes.  100 lives.”

It wasn’t long before the baby started to show.

“100 times? Are you sure?” I asked again, hoping for a different answer.
Eve just smiled and nodded.

But a baby was the least of our problems, our swamp had zombies.

Shh.  I am trying to tell your story, you said I could do the intro.
 
Fine, fine, whatever.  Just don’t make it seem like by beauty is gone.  Otherwise there would be no story.
 
Okay.  Just hush!  Ah-hem, where was I?  
 
Beautiful maiden.
 
Yes, there was  a beautiful maiden.  This maiden lived in a house with a two regular looking step-sisters and a step-mother.  
 
Hey!  I thought I was the beautiful maiden?  Are you referring to Cindy?  That little stuck up…
 
Calm down! Let me tell the story so they know what I am talking about.  Don’t worry.
 
Whatever. Trader!

Yeah, okay.  Anyway, the maiden’s name was Cinderella.  
 
And she was a *&%&%^& @$%#!
 
Hey!  Watch your language, there might be children out there….Back to our story.  Cinderella was completely torn up when her Step-mother took her sisters to the Prince’s Ball and left her at home.

She had stayed out past curfew the night before, Momma warned her.  They never tell you that part of the story.  Oh, and we all had chores, she just whined more.
 
I never said she was treated unfairly did I?
 
No.
 
Okay then.  Cinderella cried and cried until her fairy godmother took pity on her.   She granted the girl a night at the ball but only until midnight because her curfew was 12:15am.  Cinderella showed up and made a grand entrance, stealing the Prince’s attention away from her sister Loki.  

Yeah, a magical dresses will do that!
 
The Prince was mesmerized by her sparkling gown and tiara.  Thinking she was a Princess he danced the rest of the night with only her, and at midnight Cinderella sealed his affection with a kiss.  
 
Slut!  You couldn’t even show ankles back then with looking like a tramp and she is running around kissing people!
 
Wow your anger runs deep.  I thought we had talked this all out.
 
You brought her back up.
 
Only to explain why you are who you are.

Fine, just hurry up.  This part is so boring.
 
The clock struck midnight just as their lips touched and Cinderella’s dress started to change back into her cleaning clothes.  She realized her mistake and dashed off before the Prince even opened his eyes.  In her wake she only left one glass slipper.
 
Who wears glass shoes anyway?  Talk about smelly feet.

Yeah, well, the Prince liked them and liked Cinderella’s lips more so the next day he went on a search throughout the land for his princess in hiding.  Cinderella was walking the grounds neglecting her chores…

Darn right she was.

…when the Prince showed up at her home.  She saw the carriage from afar and ran to the house.  Both of her sisters had failed to get their feet into the slipper and the Prince was on his way out feeling defeated, when he recognized Loki.  He had enjoyed their conversation at the Ball and thought maybe the Princess was not the girl for him, but then Cinderella bust in the door with freshly dried feet and slid her foot into the glass slipper with ease.
 
It was hot and my feet were sweaty.  It would have fit me too otherwise, besides who picks a wife like that?

Relax, we are getting to the good part.  Cinderella and the Prince were married soon after that and lived happily ever after.  
 
WHAT!  
 
You knew that part.  
 
In theory.  I still have not seen proof.
 
That’s because you zapped to a different universe too fast.
 
Whatever, I thought this was my story not that brats.
 
Well if you stopped interrupting me.
 
Just get on with it.

Okay.  Hush then.
 
Don’t hush me….whatever.
 
Back to our story.  While Cinderella was off being a happy little peach in her new castle, parts of the kingdom fell into ruin.  A drought wiped out the crops and left many families, including her own, hungry and broke.  Cinderella did not reach out, she stayed high in her castle away from the poor.  Loki could take no more of this a swore revenge on the new princess.  Loki searched far and wide for a way to seek her revenge and came upon a magic forest.  In this forest there where glowing trees who’s fruit promised knowledge, a spring that promised youth…

When it worked.
 
…And a wishing well that promised dreams.  
 
Or so the placard said.
 
I am just going to ignore you now.

Fine.

This well was the home of the fairies.  Each fairy born was given a child to look over, of course there are fewer fairies than children so not everyone got one.  It was on a lottery system.  Anyway, Loki was never assigned a fairy so when she arrived at the well she was left to wish with the waters.
 
That worked out well.

Loki wished for a means of revenge.  The water was the water of balance, good and evil, so it granted her wish.   Loki was gifted a plant.  A very big, man eating plant.  She stood confused for a moment, unsure of what to make of this plant.  So a sweet little fairy, who was assigned a horribly boring child, took pity on her.
 
Ha. You ditched your kid faster than the Gingerbread man ditched his baker!  You knew there would be a better adventure with me.

I knew there was an imbalance in you.
 
Rude.
 
Truth.  So I, the sweet little fairy in question, floated to her ear and explained the gift.  She could use it for good or evil.  To keep her family healthy with the sacrifice of others or a friendly pet to keep the home safe.  But Loki only saw herself staying young and beautiful longer than her sister, and destroying her sister’s kingdom.  So off she ran with the plant, thinking of evil plans all the way.  However after only a few weeks her plant had eaten half the gentleman callers in the area and all the mailmen, so the town turned on her.
 
I was still training it.

In a moment of panic, Loki took her plant and returned to the well.  She wished for a change in fate, but the well did not respond.  When she started to cry…

I was not crying.
 
Yeah, sure, Loki started to do something that looked a lot like crying, I called out to her and offered a solution.  A way she could keep her beauty and balance out the death toll her plant caused.  A new fate.  She agreed without question.

I should have asked what the catch was.

And I zapped her, her plant, and myself to a new world.  Thankfully I had pocketed some well coins before we zapped, otherwise we would have had no money.
 
Well if you would have given me some warning.
 
I probably should have warned you about more than that.
 
Actually, your right.  A little warning about what I was agreeing to could have been nice.  I might have said no.
 

The towns people had torches and pitch forks.
 
I said MIGHT.
 
Yeah, well you could have asked.  
 
And you could have just told me.
 
Not as much fun.  And you really did take it well.
 
You just want to show everyone.
 
Yep.  So here we go, flash back time!
 
Fine but I am narrating this one.
 
Okay.