Once upon a time, there was a beautiful maiden.
That would be me! And it was not once upon a time, I am clearly still very attractive.
Shh. I am trying to tell your story, you said I could do the intro.
Fine, fine, whatever. Just don’t make it seem like by beauty is gone. Otherwise there would be no story.
Okay. Just hush! Ah-hem, where was I?
Beautiful maiden.
Yes, there was a beautiful maiden. This maiden lived in a house with a two regular looking step-sisters and a step-mother.
Hey! I thought I was the beautiful maiden? Are you referring to Cindy? That little stuck up…
Calm down! Let me tell the story so they know what I am talking about. Don’t worry.
Whatever. Trader!
Fine, fine, whatever. Just don’t make it seem like by beauty is gone. Otherwise there would be no story.
Okay. Just hush! Ah-hem, where was I?
Beautiful maiden.
Yes, there was a beautiful maiden. This maiden lived in a house with a two regular looking step-sisters and a step-mother.
Hey! I thought I was the beautiful maiden? Are you referring to Cindy? That little stuck up…
Calm down! Let me tell the story so they know what I am talking about. Don’t worry.
Whatever. Trader!
Yeah, okay. Anyway, the maiden’s name was Cinderella.
And she was a *&%&%^& @$%#!
Hey! Watch your language, there might be children out there….Back to our story. Cinderella was completely torn up when her Step-mother took her sisters to the Prince’s Ball and left her at home.
And she was a *&%&%^& @$%#!
Hey! Watch your language, there might be children out there….Back to our story. Cinderella was completely torn up when her Step-mother took her sisters to the Prince’s Ball and left her at home.
She had stayed out past curfew the night before, Momma warned her. They never tell you that part of the story. Oh, and we all had chores, she just whined more.
I never said she was treated unfairly did I?
No.
Okay then. Cinderella cried and cried until her fairy godmother took pity on her. She granted the girl a night at the ball but only until midnight because her curfew was 12:15am. Cinderella showed up and made a grand entrance, stealing the Prince’s attention away from her sister Loki.
Yeah, a magical dresses will do that!
The Prince was mesmerized by her sparkling gown and tiara. Thinking she was a Princess he danced the rest of the night with only her, and at midnight Cinderella sealed his affection with a kiss.
Slut! You couldn’t even show ankles back then with looking like a tramp and she is running around kissing people!
Wow your anger runs deep. I thought we had talked this all out.
You brought her back up.
Only to explain why you are who you are.
Fine, just hurry up. This part is so boring.
The clock struck midnight just as their lips touched and Cinderella’s dress started to change back into her cleaning clothes. She realized her mistake and dashed off before the Prince even opened his eyes. In her wake she only left one glass slipper.
Who wears glass shoes anyway? Talk about smelly feet.
Yeah, well, the Prince liked them and liked Cinderella’s lips more so the next day he went on a search throughout the land for his princess in hiding. Cinderella was walking the grounds neglecting her chores…
Darn right she was.
…when the Prince showed up at her home. She saw the carriage from afar and ran to the house. Both of her sisters had failed to get their feet into the slipper and the Prince was on his way out feeling defeated, when he recognized Loki. He had enjoyed their conversation at the Ball and thought maybe the Princess was not the girl for him, but then Cinderella bust in the door with freshly dried feet and slid her foot into the glass slipper with ease.
It was hot and my feet were sweaty. It would have fit me too otherwise, besides who picks a wife like that?
It was hot and my feet were sweaty. It would have fit me too otherwise, besides who picks a wife like that?
Relax, we are getting to the good part. Cinderella and the Prince were married soon after that and lived happily ever after.
WHAT!
You knew that part.
In theory. I still have not seen proof.
That’s because you zapped to a different universe too fast.
Whatever, I thought this was my story not that brats.
Well if you stopped interrupting me.
Just get on with it.
Okay. Hush then.
Don’t hush me….whatever.
Back to our story. While Cinderella was off being a happy little peach in her new castle, parts of the kingdom fell into ruin. A drought wiped out the crops and left many families, including her own, hungry and broke. Cinderella did not reach out, she stayed high in her castle away from the poor. Loki could take no more of this a swore revenge on the new princess. Loki searched far and wide for a way to seek her revenge and came upon a magic forest. In this forest there where glowing trees who’s fruit promised knowledge, a spring that promised youth…
WHAT!
You knew that part.
In theory. I still have not seen proof.
That’s because you zapped to a different universe too fast.
Whatever, I thought this was my story not that brats.
Well if you stopped interrupting me.
Just get on with it.
Okay. Hush then.
Don’t hush me….whatever.
Back to our story. While Cinderella was off being a happy little peach in her new castle, parts of the kingdom fell into ruin. A drought wiped out the crops and left many families, including her own, hungry and broke. Cinderella did not reach out, she stayed high in her castle away from the poor. Loki could take no more of this a swore revenge on the new princess. Loki searched far and wide for a way to seek her revenge and came upon a magic forest. In this forest there where glowing trees who’s fruit promised knowledge, a spring that promised youth…
When it worked.
…And a wishing well that promised dreams.
Or so the placard said.
I am just going to ignore you now.
Fine.
This well was the home of the fairies. Each fairy born was given a child to look over, of course there are fewer fairies than children so not everyone got one. It was on a lottery system. Anyway, Loki was never assigned a fairy so when she arrived at the well she was left to wish with the waters.
That worked out well.
…And a wishing well that promised dreams.
Or so the placard said.
I am just going to ignore you now.
Fine.
This well was the home of the fairies. Each fairy born was given a child to look over, of course there are fewer fairies than children so not everyone got one. It was on a lottery system. Anyway, Loki was never assigned a fairy so when she arrived at the well she was left to wish with the waters.
That worked out well.
Loki wished for a means of revenge. The water was the water of balance, good and evil, so it granted her wish. Loki was gifted a plant. A very big, man eating plant. She stood confused for a moment, unsure of what to make of this plant. So a sweet little fairy, who was assigned a horribly boring child, took pity on her.
Ha. You ditched your kid faster than the Gingerbread man ditched his baker! You knew there would be a better adventure with me.
I knew there was an imbalance in you.
Rude.
Truth. So I, the sweet little fairy in question, floated to her ear and explained the gift. She could use it for good or evil. To keep her family healthy with the sacrifice of others or a friendly pet to keep the home safe. But Loki only saw herself staying young and beautiful longer than her sister, and destroying her sister’s kingdom. So off she ran with the plant, thinking of evil plans all the way. However after only a few weeks her plant had eaten half the gentleman callers in the area and all the mailmen, so the town turned on her.
I was still training it.
In a moment of panic, Loki took her plant and returned to the well. She wished for a change in fate, but the well did not respond. When she started to cry…
I was not crying.
Yeah, sure, Loki started to do something that looked a lot like crying, I called out to her and offered a solution. A way she could keep her beauty and balance out the death toll her plant caused. A new fate. She agreed without question.
I should have asked what the catch was.
Ha. You ditched your kid faster than the Gingerbread man ditched his baker! You knew there would be a better adventure with me.
I knew there was an imbalance in you.
Rude.
Truth. So I, the sweet little fairy in question, floated to her ear and explained the gift. She could use it for good or evil. To keep her family healthy with the sacrifice of others or a friendly pet to keep the home safe. But Loki only saw herself staying young and beautiful longer than her sister, and destroying her sister’s kingdom. So off she ran with the plant, thinking of evil plans all the way. However after only a few weeks her plant had eaten half the gentleman callers in the area and all the mailmen, so the town turned on her.
I was still training it.
In a moment of panic, Loki took her plant and returned to the well. She wished for a change in fate, but the well did not respond. When she started to cry…
I was not crying.
Yeah, sure, Loki started to do something that looked a lot like crying, I called out to her and offered a solution. A way she could keep her beauty and balance out the death toll her plant caused. A new fate. She agreed without question.
I should have asked what the catch was.
And I zapped her, her plant, and myself to a new world. Thankfully I had pocketed some well coins before we zapped, otherwise we would have had no money.
Well if you would have given me some warning.
I probably should have warned you about more than that.
Actually, your right. A little warning about what I was agreeing to could have been nice. I might have said no.
The towns people had torches and pitch forks.
I said MIGHT.
Yeah, well you could have asked.
And you could have just told me.
Not as much fun. And you really did take it well.
You just want to show everyone.
Yep. So here we go, flash back time!
Fine but I am narrating this one.
Okay.
Well if you would have given me some warning.
I probably should have warned you about more than that.
Actually, your right. A little warning about what I was agreeing to could have been nice. I might have said no.
The towns people had torches and pitch forks.
I said MIGHT.
Yeah, well you could have asked.
And you could have just told me.
Not as much fun. And you really did take it well.
You just want to show everyone.
Yep. So here we go, flash back time!
Fine but I am narrating this one.
Okay.
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